when I woke up this morning

[Skip Zilla]

(written on Wednesday, August 23, 2006, early in the morning)

All the delusions slipped out last night
without saying goodbye. Who knows where they’ve gone.
When I woke up this morning
there was one misfit left staying in the apartment
and I had nothing to say to him.

I brewed a morning cup of coffee
and noticed how loud the refrigerator ran
in the empty kitchen. My first sip was loud, too.
You’d think I’d cleaned wax out of my ears
that was packed there since Dad yelled at me
for tripping on an untied shoelace.

The window sill’s yellowed by sunlight though.
That’s a good sign. And voices carry from
a bus stop nearby. The world still seems to be
working. Or is it just the one delusion that
wouldn’t leave during the night?

[Janet Navarro]

Skip,

This is a lovely poem that clearly has depth and meaning to you in your life. Thanks for sharing it. Like you said to me...it takes some courage to put yourself out there...on line or off line.
Your poem seems to indicate some kind of motion toward a personal transition in the making but not quite realized or trusted.
I especially like the images I get when reading the lines "one misfit left staying in the apartment and I had nothing to say to him." and, the last three lines in the second stanza and the image that comes out from them.
If you are open to reflective comments read on...


I wonder, if you were to take out some of the words to hone down or strengthen images to their essence, which ones could go and which ones are essential to the feel of the poem/message. There are potentially, some words that don't necessarily move the poem forward. I also wonder if you were to show rather than tell, what would loud look like, and what would "who know where they've gone look like?" And, you use delusion twice....is that intentional to bring it back at the end, or is there another word you could put into that line--there are a lot of words that mean similar things -- illusion, fantasy, mirage, fallacy... would one of those words add depth to the poem by stretching out the meaning of delusion, or would it take it off track.

Keep writing -- keep the poems coming....it's great to read and respond. I appreciate it...

Janet